[iDiva] The Mountain and Lady Mountbatten

What The Lady saw from her bedroom window

She had woken up to the very same sight as I did, right outside this very bedroom window …over 60 years ago!The Himalayas may have melted a bit since then, but the same overwhelming feeling of seeing it so upclose must have mesmerised Lady and Lord Mountbatten too, on their visit here to escape the heat of Delhi.Holm Farm Heritage, a grand old Brit bungalow built as a Retreat for English Officers (just a 10 minute drive away from the picturesque hill station Ranikhet), was now a heritage hotel, and much to my thrill, I got to stay in the very same historical Edward Suite. "Even Jawaharlal Nehru has stayed here!" declared my genial host. (Er, on some other occasion, I presumed, and not when Lady E had her beauty sleep here…)Wandering about the charming old home with its colonial furniture and generous spaces, Himanshu Upadhyaya, a national level cricketer-turned-hotel owner, showed me pictures of the Mountbattens and Nehru in the museum-like Lounge, and I heard interesting stories of their visits here.

This 150 year old Retreat was acquired by Mohan Upadhyaya (a close associate of Pandit Nehru) soon after Independence, and now Himanshu runs his inheritance with much pride, giving travellers a dollop of laid-back Raj-style living, with historical anecdotes to bring the place alive.Back in my room, I walked barefoot across the pine-wood floor that had been touched by so many celebrity feet…to gaze again at a view that was a magnificent treat for my tired city-eyes.But there was someone already at the window, sitting and gazing at his favourite sight in the world. Like me, eager to lap it all in with his tongue hanging out. Himanshu's delightful pet labrador, Bongo!

This article was featured on http://www.idiva.com/opinion-entertainment/the-mountain-and-lady-mountbatten/2076

[iDiva] Who Moved My Paneer?

Image courtesy: ©2009 Jupiterimages

A handy tip for health-conscious fat- fighting travellers zipping down the highway of temptations: do not exceed the feed limit.

Aha! But you're on holiday here…and don't we all need some extra fuel for those jam-packed holiday activities ahead? And what's jam without a generous layer of butter first…

That's why I love those Breakfast Included places to stay in. And although I have a careful less-cheese, more-paneer, less eggs, more fruit plan in my normal day, I reach the free-breakfast buffet table on my holiday and a compelling voice inside me says: "You have paid a lot of money for this free breakfast already! Now tank up. Eat for the whole day… You're only being sensible, not greedy!"

So suddenly eating nine types of breakfast foods, from three types of plans, and also squeezing in "live dosas" made on the spot, (and hey look, hot pancakes and syrup too; now how did we miss that?), …becomes quite the thing to do on holiday. And when there's a daylong safari through elephant country ahead, eating like one is in order.

Anyway after this one indulgence, I figure I'll be eating like a bird for the rest of the day. Only by the time lunch comes around, I'm eating like a bird all right-and the bird is a raven (so how else do you explain the origins of the word "ravenous'?)

So just give up and give in. And when you come back to good earth and wonder, where did all that holiday money go?? Stand sideways and look in the mirror.

This article was featured on http://www.idiva.com/opinion-entertainment/who-moved-my-paneer/2079

[iDiva] Look What I Picked Up On My Travels

Image courtesy: ©2009 Jupiterimages

One picks up strange stories during travel. One even picks up germs-or rather stories about germs. As I did in the US a few months ago.(Panic not! I don't mean the swine flu…)

I heard this lively discussion on a local US channel, where an expert told us: it is wrong to make beds immediately after waking up! Apparently, the germs arising from one's body sweat at night were still mingling with the sheets and pillows, and it was better to just leave them be for a while-till the fresh morning air made them disappear.

While that's great news for every lazy bachelor-pad inhabitant (why make beds when I'm coming right back here to sleep by day's end?); I must say we exclaimed: "Whatever will these germophobic Americans come up with next!"

Well, I'll tell you what they came up with next. A chap called Simon Sassoon (yes, a relative of that hair chap Vidal ) was pretty worried seeing his girlfriend touching the door handle of a hotel's rest room during a date (eek, what if she tries to hold hands now…) and suddenly thought of an invention called the HYSO.

It's a small white plastic box on rest room doors that frequently gushes out a fine dry disinfecting mist killing all germs on the door knob below. His girlfriend is now an ex (maybe he handed her surgical gloves to wear for the rest of the date, making her mad,) but young Sassoon has made his millions with his clever invention.

So too the guy who invented the personal portable hand strap to hook on for those sweaty bus commutes. Or the lady who invented Sani-shopping, a snap-on plastic cover for shopping trolleys.

While we may have laughed at this in the past, suddenly the swine flu panic is making all these inventions make terrific sense. And despite suspicions of the origin and spread of swine flu, the US has the world's largest number of germ-fearing compulsive obsessive disordered people in the world.

And what do you say about this: there's a story of this American-so conscious of germs, that he even refuses to travel to Germ-any…

This article was featured on http://www.idiva.com/opinion-entertainment/look-what-i-picked-up-on-my-travels/2078

[iDiva] Madonna-ji Slept Here

Image courtesy Reuters

"Come, I will show May-donna room!"

Bhagirath, my young colourfully turbaned room attendant was taking me on a walking tour of Rohetgarh-the incredibly beautiful heritage hotel located between Jodhpur and Udhaipur. The 'secret place' that the pop diva had chosen to stay in for her New Year 2008 date with India!

A magnificent wild peacock stepped politely aside as we approached Room 30. "May-donna's children Lourdes, Rocco and David loving these peacocks and trying to catch!" said Bhagirath.

With a flourish Bhagirath threw open the door to Madonna's suite. The one that most caught her fancy after inspecting many choices, apparently. An intricately painted arch led to a plush bedroom-themed in red. Attached, an ornate bathroom…did Madonna do some practice moves here with that handshower, for her upcoming album Hard Candy?

The tour continued next door where her husband chose to stay (well!) "Gai Rijji very very good man! Children always playing here…" The kids too had been given their own luxury suite with their nanny, a room away.

And what about the Material Girl's huge entourage of minions who checked in three days earlier to 'check things out'? In the plush rooms below, near the garden apparently.

"May-donna's bodyguards stay in your room only Madam" said Bhagirath. Well well, so I was staying in the 'servant's quarters'…! More Madonna lore followed.

In the exquisite central courtyard of this 300 year old haveli, Madonna, resplendent in her Rajasthani costume, had performed an amazing impromptu dance one night. I could tell from Bhagirath's face that Rohetgarh had never seen anything so astounding.

Just before I left, Bhagirath appeared outside my room with a 'secret' he wanted to share: a framed piece of notepaper. And on it, in Madonna's own handwriting, was her extra special thanks for looking after her and her kids. "Dear Bhagirath…how I wish I could take you back home with me!"

I took a picture of the grinning Bhagirath. And now I can casually say at the next society party I'm invited to: "Madonna and I had the same room attendant looking after us at Rajasthan…"

This article was published on http://www.idiva.com/opinion-entertainment/madonnaji-slept-here/2064

[iDiva]- Camels Are Good For the Sole

I have begun jotting down notes during my travels in a small book that should please the environmentalists: while the pages are hand-made paper, the cover is made out of recycled camel. Now before Maneka Gandhi sends out her men to get me, let me assure everyone that the camel that helped make my book cover died peacefully one day in its sleep, well into old age? Or so was the impression I got from the gent in a small bylane in Udhaipur selling camel-skin souvenirs like books and hand-made juthies. (His name was Harischandra-so I'm inclined to believe he was telling the truth).

But I do admit to a sudden wave of guilt and panic when I was standing in line to take a camel ride recently in Rajasthan. My little travel book was inside my bag! Would this camel sniff it out and get upset that his recent ancestor was now a notebook??

Anyway it was too late- Ranjit (for that was his name) was sitting before me and looking at me benignly through his thick eyelashes. Now I don't know if you ever got on a camel before, but the experience is quite like being back in kindergarten: first you see-saw forwards as the camel gets its gangly back legs up; then you rapidly see-saw backwards when the forelegs untangle themselves.

Yeeeee-aaaaaah!

That was me screaming in chorus along with the camel-keeper urging Ranjit away on my ride. And I realised why it is called "the ship of the desert"-the sudden lurching with each step could leave the weak-stomached feeling quite seasick?

But not me. Proud of my ready ability to adjust to the challenges of travel, I even managed a happy wave to my sister taking pictures for our holiday album. And remember the next time you head off to Dubai or Jaisalmer or Cairo: the trick of easy camel-riding is-- you have to see when the camel sees, and saw when the camel saws.

This was featured on http://www.idiva.com/opinion-entertainment/camels-are-good-for-the-sole/2083

[iDiva] When Your Suitcase Packs Up

Image Courtesy: Jupiter Images

Holidays are times when people go to exciting faraway places to forget things, and when they open their suitcases, they find that they have?

Many times, my holiday has begun with rushing around looking for a shop that opens early to buy a new toothbrush and paste. Hotels don't help much either, because they give you a teeny collapsible kit the size of a match-box, and that's when you realise why they call it toothbrush and not 'teethbrush', as the amount of paste and size of brush is designed to clean just one tooth.

And while travel broadens the mind (and unfortunately for many, the midriff too), one thing that seems to shrink in size in the course of travel is the suitcase. The 3ft x 4ft compact valise that so neatly held a stack of dhobi-pressed clothes suddenly behaves very oddly at the destination. It simply spews out clothes like a tiny angry volcano, and at the end of the vacation, there will be at least 9 pieces of clothing still lying around, unable to get back in."So why don't you just discard your clothes?" advised a much-traveled person to me once.While that's great advise if you're on your honeymoon, discarding clothes can be traumatic if you've packed your best togs just for the trip. That's why I recently packed my expensive white Giordano T shirt, which had a blotch of pink on it due to an earlier washing machine mishap?now I could wear it, throw it, forget it.I blame the movies for making a complicated ritual like packing look easy. Indignant spouses and lovers are always shown flinging things into a suitcase, slamming the lid shut, and walking out in minutes, ready to begin a whole new life. How come no one shows them desperately trying to fit an umbrella in case it rains?That's why a lot of people are simplifying their vacation plans by traveling only as far as their drawing room TV, and switching on Discovery Channel. This way, they can go to Langkavi or Kilimanjaro or Masai Mara, and if, while watching a crocodile swallow a buffalo, they panic that they forgot to pack their digestive tablets?they can relax, because it is all within reach in their room cupboard.But this column is not for the timid, and adventure-challenged. Welcome to thrilling travel tales ahead! And don't forget your toothbrush.

This article was featured on http://www.idiva.com/opinion-entertainment/when-your-suitcase-packs-up/2081

[The Hindu] Objects with no objective

A look at the mysterious insides of our cupboards and drawers.

WITH reality shows getting more and more bizarre, here's one more idea (and if any TV producer is reading this now, quick, grab the idea it's free)..It's about Living In Transit. And before anyone leaps up and says "Ha! But that idea has already been done in a hit Hollywood movie called `Terminal'" where Tom Hanks lives for weeks and months under the watchful eye of a camera in an airport transit lounge, feeling homeless, here I'm talking about a Living In Transit situation in each of our homes. In our cupboards, in our drawers, in our shelves...

Unanswerable questions

The reality is: we all have some strange Homeless Objects everywhere. Just sitting there. And if a candid camera went deep into our shelves, our desks, even our handbags, we'd see them all in real focus. And perhaps ask such searching questions: Why has this Calcium Sandoz box, shaped like a dog, with nothing inside, been sitting in the shelf below our telephone, doing nothing for months, may be years? Why is a small packet of negatives of somebody's passport pictures taken in 1993 sitting in between this row of pickle bottles on top of the fridge? Why, oh, why is this corpse of an old emergency torch that succumbed to its own emergency and died in the 1980s still peering at us every time we open the drawer where socks are kept? (Perhaps it's there because in the TV cabinet's extreme corner, there are five assorted batteries, either dead or alive it's impossible to tell whose place of rest hasn't been disturbed for three years, and these could possibly give the old dead torch a new life... but who has the time to try this life-giving experiment?)

You never know

I read somewhere that junk is something that you keep for over 20 years, and throw away two days before you need it. That's why I'm still safely keeping the left ear handle of a pair of sunglasses I owned when Mrs. Gandhi won the elections (Indira, not Sonia). What if the rest of the glasses pop up suddenly one day? So back goes the broken left ear handle inside our kitchen draw (now don't ask me why the kitchen draw it's always been there, that's all).It is this gift of foresight that anticipates possibilities in the future that encourages us to hold on to old, yellow Bank Of India challans of money deposited in 1978-79. What if we want to suddenly check whether or not we deposited a cheque for Rs. 375 received from UTI in September 1979? The challan book is right here inside this (zipless) GRT jewellery pouch, where we have also kept a handy kit of a foldable toothbrush and toothpaste given by Lufthansa, a brass knob of a cupboard that once fell off from our house in Kilpauk where we lived 14 years ago, a watch that has stopped exactly at 3.10 in an unspecified year, a paint brush stiff with rigour mortis with green paint that has died in its bristles, a plastic pouch with a picture of Lord Venkateshwara, and a crumbling folded piece of paper with clear directions of how to get to "Tilak Raj", a tailor in Darya Ganj who stitches great blouses within a day (I left Delhi 22 years ago, but this may be a useful address to pass on to anybody in Delhi).And it's also time to come out of the closet, if you'll pardon the expression, on the clothes we cling on to, even if they may never cling on to us as they do on those hot models on Ftv. One of these days we'll surely sort out why the cupboard is overflowing , but not just now; there's a big sale on at Lifestyle and we haven't a thing to wear for tomorrow's party... But should the Reality Show chaps ever show up in your house suddenly, I hope you have good explanations ready for why this thing is there and that thing is here, all around your house.And the next paragraph is going to make us all say, "Oh no! Don't let the cameras go into that box, please!"

Remedies for every illness

Too late my friend, says the reality camera, as it relentlessly seeks the one box of impossible-to-throw-aways every single household in the world has kept stooged away and yes, you better come right out and admit you have this one too it's the In-House Pharmacy of left-over medicines no patient ever has the patience to finish taking (despite nodding earnestly that we will at the doctor's clinic) to cure a bout of laryngitis, arthritis, hepatitis, synovitis or colitis or just a good old fever. Somewhere in this Box of Cures is a handy remedy to every ill in the world. However, should we wake up in the middle of the night and imagine that we are getting, say, malaria, and immediately rummage around and swallow a remedy from this handy emergency box, our own expiry date will immediately follow, as the expiry date on the foil clearly says December 2000. But do we throw away this dangerous box next morning? You know the answer to that one.Meanwhile, should the Reality Show guys ever come near my handbag, admittedly a dwelling house for several random, mysterious objects that I cart along wherever I go, I have some pat answers to any question that may be thrown at me."Why do you still have this ticket stub to the Shankar Mahadevan Concert that finished over a year ago?""Because I have written down an important phone number on it"."So why don't you just transfer the number into your mobile, or even a phone book of which, incidentally you have three in your bag?""Because I can't remember whose number it is!"Even the toughest Reality Show guys cannot argue with that one.

More things

And the relentless camera may well go on snooping further into my bag, but I have ready answers, should they find the two raffle tickets from the Porur Ladies Club Annual Fete of 2004 ("I think I may have won an Idli Grinder, but I don't know where to check") or five unused tokens for the Giant Wheel at a Dizzyworld ("we may suddenly go there while driving on EC Road") or the DVD of "Madagaskar" from Tic Tac ("I'm too scared to return it as the fine by now must be over Rs. 3,000") and a green stapler ("so that's where it is!").Meanwhile, while you look around your own house just now, and wonder about the purpose in life of about one hundred Things staring back at you, enjoying the art of doing nothing, I am happy to say my own life is going to change. I have just picked up an amazing book called How To Unclutter Your Life. I am going to read it one of these days as soon as I find it in my handbag. It's definitely in there, somewhere...

This article was featured on http://www.thehindu.com/todays-paper/tp-features/tp-sundaymagazine/objects-with-no-objective/article2275004.ece