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Published: April 17, 2011 00:00 IST | Updated: April 17, 2011 04:07 IST
Book bond

INDU BALACHANDRAN
On the occasion of World Book Day (April 23) INDU BALACHANDRAN takes a tongue-in-cheek look at reading habits.



I plan to write a book called “How I conquered the British Vampire”. I have no clue what it's about, but am sure that with a title like that, millions of crazed teens will rush out to buy it, as vampire fiction is still a worldwide rage…

Ok, ok… you must excuse us writers the occasional trick to get you to read more, because there's an entire publishing industry that's dependant on us to keep them off the streets, begging for food and sleeping on, what else? Newspapers. Using unsold books as pillows.

And if you are among those rare ones that read at least four books a month, then several publishing houses would like to garland you, and perhaps even name a bookstore after you…(hope you're name isn't Higginbotham, as that one's taken already.)

I know a lot of people blame the drawing room deity, the TV set, for keeping us away from books and newspapers. But that's not always true. I once read that Groucho Marx thanked television for encouraging him to read. Every time someone switched on the TV, he rushed out to another room and read a book.

Or perhaps the movies are to blame. Nowadays they seem to be making movies out of books even before the author has finished writing his book.

However there is no need for the few committed readers like you and me to turn our noses up at those who prefer to wait for the movie version rather than go through 400 pages of a book. Because even the movies encourage the reading habit in their own way. I know pals who don't leave the hall till they've read every name on the rolling credits, down to Nora Philips who was the Fat Lady in the Airplane , and Timmy Anderson who handled the Key Grip.

Books improve looks

There's no denying that books can improve your looks instantly. Look what happened to me recently when I decided to appear ridiculously well-read at a swish society party. Sipping my drink I said breezily, “Isn't it fascinating how Goethe has made Faust an erudite hybrid between a play and Hellenic poetry? I find Faustian allegories apply even to the questionable lifestyle of Salman Khan…” Oh what a high I experienced as several people gazed at my face in deep admiration. It sure beat using Fair & Lovely.

And in this day of multi-tasking, it is great to see people combine reading with whatever else they are doing. Like my former colleague Jojo. He spends at least three hours a day reading, combining it with Looking Busy Doing Work. He reads around 237 status updates daily on facebook ; he reads 10 reasons why raising shrimp is better than marriage (forwarded to him by an ex-fiancée), and is up to date on what the Harley Davidson Club in Utah is planning this summer. We must thank www for doing its bit for the reading habit.

But am not quite sure about the younger generation…There's this incident I read about the man who recently gave his nephew a Book to read as a Christmas present. The seven-year old spent hours trying to find out where to fit in the batteries…

And I doubt if even his parents were great readers in their childhood. Because a Classic is a book that everybody is assumed to have read, and often think they have.

So we must thank Reader's Digest for giving us bite-sized bits to chew and swallow and still appear smart at interviews and parties. Though I think this writer of abridged classics went too far when he gave us this book that reads: “Boy and Girl from warring families meet. She is compared to a rose. She pretends to be dead. He thinks she's really dead. He kills himself. She finds he's dead and kills herself.” I think Romeo and Juliet deserved a bit more than that.

Keep exercising

And if Reading is to the mind, what exercise is to the body, then my cousin Raju's mental treadmill has remained broken down for a long time…

I saw him the other day in a green park, blissfully staring out, doing nothing, under a tree. “Hey what's up, “I asked. “Don't disturb me, I'm celebrating World Book Day by reading…” he said. “How? I don't see any Book,” I said, puzzled.

“Can't you see? I'm enjoying a Book while it is still a tree…”

Hey publishers! A lot of environmentalists may love Raju. But don't worry; I am still there for you.

Indu Balachandran is a travel and humour columnist for leading magazines. Email: indubee8@yahoo.co.in.